Good times are here to stay

Exactly 8 months ago, I was having the best time 250 kms away from home and then suddenly I wasn't. Today, here I am, chilling in bed on a Monday night, after a super hectic week with work, 5 wedding functions and a quick  out of town trip.

A lot has happened in 2017, more than I could've imagined. Good and Bad. Not sure if I should be getting into details, but my brace came off about 6 weeks ago and life has been a roller coaster since then.

For starters, I got engaged to my one & only.  After being super patient with me & my obsession of fractures, spinal injuries, spinal surgeries etc. I think it's safe to say, Manan saw me at my worst and  my bravest. Constantly trying to keep me distracted, making sure that I always had something to look forward to and just being the person I needed him to be. Funny at times, my crying shoulder and most importantly my hang-out buddy. Who else was I going to end up with?!

And in other exciting news, my boo got engaged to her boo too, an event I was waiting for and scared of at the same time. Because as excited as I was about my favorite girl's engagement, I was just as scared that my brace wouldn't be off before her big day and I wouldn't be able to enjoy the way I wanted to..BUT my brace was off and I was able to dress up the way I wanted to, dance a little and drink a little. For once, I wasn't treated like the robo-cop that I'd been looking like and I was just so happy to see the two of them drunk in love, no pun intended.

Can't leave the leader of the gang behind, the one who kick started the wedding season in our family. We are just following her footsteps..

Going back to reality, the day the doctor told me to take the brace off, he let me off with the warning "be careful". Words that I have taken very very seriously, and started taking precautions that are borderline paranoia. Sometimes I get scared in every day scenarios like  seeing a wet floor or even seeing kids running around and I don't even know the last time I sat in a car in relax mode.

The more I look forward to the future, the more the paranoia subsides. With our combined bachelorette & Mithoos wedding coming up, I know I have more to look forward to than to be scared about. And more than anything else, I need to be fully functional and at my best so I can start preparing for my own crazy wedding and be a bridezilla!

WARNING : Dear Manan, Get Ready.

Lights will guide you home

I have never waited for a day as much as I have waited for today in my entire life. The day I finally get to see my doctor with my latest CT Scan. It’s been a little over six months since the day of my accident. After six months of being injured and having access to the internet, I was pretty sure I had become a little bit of a doctor myself who knew everything about a spinal fracture. I mean, I did have all the time on the planet to do my research.

Clearly I knew nothing!

I got my scan done two days ago and I could see the fractures had not fully healed. Which meant this was not over and as expected, I was not happy about that.

But, boy was I wrong?

I was supposed to see my doctor at 11 am today but thanks to our beloved Prime Ministers event, I got stuck in a crazy traffic and then got stopped by a cop for jumping a red light, begged him to let us go so I can make it to the hospital. And just when we entered, the car got a flat tire. This was not looking like a good day. I finally made it inside and his assistant said “Sir has left”. Everyone around me heard the sound of my heart break in that one moment. After waiting for an hour or so I finally got to meet the doctor and he saw my scan, the words that came out of his mouth next made all this worth it.

He said, “Excellent fusion”. “You can remove the brace now”

With the biggest smile on my face, I started asking questions as to what’s next. Can I start work full time? (Yes) What about physiotherapy?(Will start soon) How soon can I go on a holiday!? (In three months)

I do need to wear a smaller collar/ Philadelphia collar for another 2-3 months as the bone is not rock solid yet. I need to be super careful and take as much precaution as I can but I don’t need to wear this brace.

Life has never been better! Ok, it has definitely been better but  in my current situation, things could have been a whole lot different. I got away with the best possible scenario from that night.

Not sure what I did to deserve this much love from everyone around me, but I reached this far and this quickly only because of them <3.    

*Koh Samui, see you soon!*

Good times ahead

It has been almost five months or 20 weeks or 138 days (not that I am counting) since the day of the accident and even though I am still wearing a brace, life has really started getting back to normal. I have almost forgotten how frustrating this whole procedure was. I remember crying multiple times but I am not sure what was upsetting me so much. Tough times are gone and now I am in the transition phase.

I have been told to not set a countdown in my head but I have to go see my doctor next on end of September and that's less than TWO months *yay*.

And now that I have started going to work, time is passing by much faster. I am only going three times a week, 5 hours a day and honestly, I wish everyone only had to work for 5 hours.I am loving it is the right way to put it. My team has been amazing, the timings are great, the first fifteen minutes of every meeting are about me. It’s almost awkward when someone new comes for a meeting and they don’t ask anything because I can see how they want to ask but they are trying to keep it professional.

Since my last appointment, I have gone for a movie, a fashion show, a few family dinners, some nights out with the friends and my activity level has definitely gone up. I can almost get away with anything because no one wants to get mad at me anymore. Life is good (I guess)..

There is a flipside too, the brace has really started getting to me. I really miss working out, I feel like I am gaining weight, I can’t go out as much as I used to, my neck & back are forever stiff and there isn’t much I can do about any of these things. And sometimes, the brace just attracts TOO much attention.

On that note, here's a list of things NOT to do when you’re around someone who's injured/disabled:

1.     Stare at them and make them feel like an alien. 

2.     Look at them with pity eyes 

3.     Remind them how bad it could have been and how lucky they are to be alive (I do prefer being told “you’re blessed” over “your life could’ve been destroyed)

4.     Ask them if they need help every two minutes when they're capable of doing almost everything on their own

5.     Stop telling them to be positive & look at the bright side of things. WE KNOW! Sometimes, life just sucks and there's nothing anyone can do about it. It’s ok to have a bad day once in a while

But coming back to the real point, in just a couple of months....

Half way there

After watching an 18 minute video on "Understanding a Cervical Spine CT Scan",I could finally understand the scans and I knew my fractures have come a long way but they have definitely not fused completely.

 Before going to the doctor, I think I knew that I wasn't going to need surgery and I'll probably need to wear the brace for another month before the bones fuse completely. So when I finally did meet the doctor(a very serious doctor), he said with a smile on his face "the fractures are fusing really well, but you'll need to wear the brace for another three months"  and just when I was about to whine, he said "I'll make you wear it for a year if it's required so please don't cry about it, you don't know how blessed you are to have gotten away with just a couple of fractures"

And that's when I knew, I will be turning 28 in this brace!

Next, I asked if I can go back to work since it's been almost four months and he said YES!!!!! (not in an excited tone of course). He said I need to be extra careful since Delhi roads are terrible and maybe I can start with a couple of times a week for just a few hours a day.

After much discussion at home, I finally went to work yesterday.

Thankfully my team is just happy to have me back, even if it's for a couple of times a week. I know, the next three months will not be like yesterday. Yesterday was only about catching up on what's happened in the last few months, a 'little' gossip, a long lunch and some work updates.

I ended up going for a meeting as well and the reaction was exactly how it is every time I meet someone new, "Oh my god! What HAPPENEDDDDD??". I realized I'll have to repeat the story only about 300 times over the next three months but that's OK. With in three minutes of being in the meeting, I'd completely forgotten that I was wearing a brace and looking like a robo-cop and work is what mattered more.

Someone I met yesterday told me about how her sister met with a terrible accident 4 years ago and managed to break more than 6 bones in her spine and had to undergo 3 intense surgeries. The doctors weren't sure if she'll be able to walk again but after dropping a year in college and 6 months in physiotherapy, she can walk, she can run, she can drive and the verdict was that all all anyone has to do is stay positive and work towards a goal. I really need to keep hearing such stories to remind myself that everything will be A-OK!

With time I think I'll be back in action and hopefully the next three months will pass by faster than the last three did.

*Too blessed to be stressed*

The wait continues..

So my CT got postponed by a week and I'd already been feeling a little strange all week. Almost as if some exam result was about to come and I didn't know if I was going to pass or fail. Will I need surgery or am I OK or will I need more time in the brace. Hopefully the delay is a blessing in disguise.

In the grand scheme of things, One week is really nothing. In fact, Fifteen weeks is nothing but it's just become such a big deal. I made it a big deal and I can't blame it on anyone but when your doctor tells you "your life could have been destroyed", how do you not make it a big deal?!! Everyday is a new day and it's one day closer to recovery. 

I still sometimes question "Why ME?" and even though I don't have an answer for it yet.I have been told that everything happens for a reason and one day I will figure out why this happened to me as well. In the mean time, I have a super strong support system guiding me towards staying strong and being positive. The same system that started out with me on this journey three months ago, still checking on me every other day, as excited as me when they know I've started wearing T-shirts again or that I showered on my own without help. So much love and so much kindness around.

Also, here are some quotes that I've heard all my life but didn't know what they truly meant..

*Fingers crossed*

Three Weeks To Go!

In exactly three weeks from now, I have my next CAT scan. I don't think I've ever looked forward to a day more than this one, not even my birthday and THAT'S saying something.

There's a chance that I might have to wear the brace for a few more months, there's a chance I might need surgery, there's also a chance that I'm A-OK and I need to start physiotherapy so I can get back to living the life a 27 year (1450 weeks) old should be living.

I'm pretty sure that my fractures have already healed a 100% since it's been almost 12 weeks since the accident. As per the internet, fractures heal in 8-12 weeks so by the time I get the CT scan, it would've been 15 weeks(seems quite short out of the 1450 weeks that I've been on this planet). The question is, will the unstable and dislocated C2 have formed some sort of a connection with C3 and healed or started healing like all normal fractures or is it just hanging there like it was 12 weeks ago? I have a strong feeling that everything is going to be just fineee! #GoodVibesOnly

As per my Neurosurgeon, there's apparently no medicine for a fracture and all I can do is take some supplements, rest and wait for something amazing to happen inside. I am still taking some homeopathic medicine which is for "bone knitting" and that's exactly what I need.

I'll be very upset if I get to know I still need surgery. It was my decision to go the conservative route and I have no one to blame but I can't imagine going for surgery after 15 weeks of this and then another 6 weeks of post-op recovery. But I'm going to trust my gut for now and pray that my decision was the right decision.

Also,I love how the human body operates. It really is unbelievable.

The Camera Roll of someone with a fracture in a sensitive location 

Embrace The Brace

I have been in a crazy looking brace since Four weeks & Four days to be precise. I started wearing the "correct" brace 5 weeks after my accident and how I wish I was made to wear this from day 1.

My family definitely finds the brace a little funny and often calls me one of these 1) Fire fighter 2)Astronaut 3) Ninja Warrior . Here's what I actually look like 

Front view 

Back view 

The brace I am wearing is called a CTO brace (Cervical Thoracic Orthosis). A CTO brace provides rigid immobilization to the neck and the upper back. The idea is that you should not be able to turn your head AT ALL! 

Here's a list of things you must remember when wearing a rigid brace : 

1. You will not be able to look down so make sure to always look ahead of you before walking. Tripping over something & falling is really the LAST thing you want. 

Try and wear shoes that are locked on your feet and without laces.

2. You will be in this brace for 24 hours a day for a couple of months so make sure you ask your caretaker to clean the brace every day with a dry cloth or a hair dryer in order to get rid of all the germs. 

3. Put anti bacterial talcum powder on your chest and back and wear the brace over a shirt in order to avoid rashes. 

I find Abzorb to be the best. 

4. Once you feel confident, speak to your Physio Therapist and start walking and doing some exercises for your arms, shoulders and back. Our bones and muscles are used to carrying our body weight and if you rest for too long, they'll start getting weak. (Read about Disuse atrophy but do not get obsessed with it)

5. You'll need help while taking a bath, but definitely take a shower every day. Wear a Philadelphia collar or a Miami-J while take a bath and check with your doctor if you can wash your hair or if you should use a dry shampoo. Also, order a non-slippery shower mat.

6. Sleeping in a CTO brace is tough, You can't turn sides or sleep on your stomach. Do turn on your side from time to time, holding someone and exactly how a piece of log would turn. Stay in the position to get some air on the back and then roll right back. Be very very careful about not getting bed sores. 

 I remove the front part of the brace while sleeping as my jaw hurts too much. I've checked with my doctor and he said it's OK to remove it while sleeping. I don't know if there are any exercises that I can do for my jaw but hopefully it's not a big deal. 

7. Eating is not very convenient as the brace will restrict your ability to open your mouth too much. Avoid burgers, big sandwiches, sadly even sushi was a little tough to eat.

There are some other ways to eat though. Very entertaining! 

8. Talking on the phone has never been easier. You don't even need earphones anymore. Just stick the phone into the straps next to your ear and TA-DA!

9. People will stare. Let them. They don't know better. I was affected by it too but I had to ignore them. Just put on your sunglasses and walk like a champion (hold someones hand while you're being a champion though). 

A lot of people feel that you should not read too much about the injury, possible procedures, options you have, types of braces available, other peoples stories but personally I find all the available information to be very satisfying, knowing that there are other people who have gone through similar things helps a lot. Keep reading!

Disclaimer : All the above points are based on my personal experience only. 

14 things I cannot wait to do

1.      Look to the left, look to the right and shake my head a little 

2.      Take a long, long, long shower without anyone helping me 

3. Look down and check my own weight 

4. Enjoy my favorite meal without my brace restricting me 

5. Get up in the morning and go to work instead of back to bed 

6. Kill it in the gym with a head stand! 

7. Go out for a drive with the windows down and some yummy Ed Sheeran music 

8. Lie down, sit up, stand up and basically do anything without having to wait on someone to come and help me do it 

9. Pick up my niece and make her fly like an aeroplane

10. Go Shopping! 

11. Sleep. On a pillow. Alone, On my stomach. 

12. Get a drink without worrying I might fall

13. Have a long day at the salon. Mani/Pedi, waxing, threading,hair spa, hair cut etc. Just the things that will make me feel like a girl again 

Last but not the least..

14. Plan my next BIG holiday

CANNOT WAIT

P.S. I have more things I cannot wait to do but not everything is for the internet. Also, the blog was published with 13 things and then edited to 14 but I am the girl with the broken neck so I can get away with anything.
<3

Surgery or No Surgery

I wish choosing the right boy was the only tough decision I ever had to make.

CLEARLY NOT! 

Day 2- You will probably not need surgery, we should take the conservative route

 Day 20- You need surgery as the unstable bone has not stabilized and it might be risky to leave it just hanging there.

Doctors really know how to turn your life upside down in just a few minutes.

I thought I was on the road to recovery and in just a few weeks I’d be up and about, back to work, back to real life. Turns out, there was a different plan in store for me. 

Choosing between Conservative Management or Surgical Management has probably been the toughest decision I’ve ever had to make

Like anyone would, my family decided to take a second opinion, a third, a fourth and suddenly we had entered a vicious circle where my reports made it some of the best doctors across the planet. Each had their own opinion.

Somewhere in the middle of this madness, I became obsessed with reading about the injury, other peoples stories, success rates, watching videos on YouTube and everything I could get my hands on. I was pretty much torturing my friends and family with my never ending stories about what has happened, what could have happened and what the future might or might not hold for me. Everyone told me to relax, breathe, and let my body do its own thing. 

The general consensus seemed to be “Surgery”.

Since I am only 27 years old and my body can take it. But could my body take it? With all the risks involved and if there is a chance of me recovering on my own then isn’t that the right way to go? Do I really want a foreign object placed in my body? Is anterior approach more successful or posterior? How do you choose the right doctor? The list is endless..

Pros	Cons
Fixed for life	All surgeries are risky, especially this close to the spinal cord
Lesser recovery time	Neck movement could potentially get restricted
Won’t need to worry in the future	Will I beep at airport security checks
	Paralysis

After a lot of confusion & contemplation, I have chosen to stick to the conservative route.

I know I have chosen the road less traveled, and hopefully that will make all the difference. 

The Support System

La Famille

What they will do for you, no one else will. They might nag you about eating when you don't want to or peeing when you don't need to or force you to lie down all day because they think you need it! 

You can only wake mommy dearest four times in a night to make you wear socks and then to remove them(repeat) and daddy darling might not be spending the nights with you but he knows how to keep you positive through it all.Trust the brother and the sister in law who will come and chat with you, give you pep talks, play Uno and always hold your hand in the not so happy moments.Finally, add a 1 year old niece to the combination and you have your entertainment sorted for the next few months. 

The Sisterhood 

They will visit you, dance for you, sing for you, feed you fresh fruit dipped in nutella, bring you presents from Victoria's Secret, bring a full Banoffee pie, help cut your clothes off, remove the five days old chipped nail paint, cut your nails, hear you crib, cry, laugh, talk crap, check on you on daily basis, come visit you as often as they possibly can and just be there for it all. Thank god for them!

The Boyfriend 

The one who will sit tightly holding your hand for those 3 hours before you reach the hospital. Be kind enough to bring a new jar of Nutella on the first day of the hospital life. Also bring you goodies from the mall and some peri peri chicken spaghetti or sushi or cinnamon rolls or basically anything you want. If there's a time for your family to get to know the boyfriend..its NOW!! 

The Jing Bang

The jing bang is the reason you want to get A-OK as soon as possible. You cannot be the only one missing the pool parties, the birthdays, the vacations, the Wednesday night-no reason hangout plans. 

The Internet 

The most important one..for when you will not be able to sleep at night and you will have no other form of entertainment. The internet will save you from all your misery, so make sure you have the best broadband connection possible with at least a 200 GB data plan. 

If there's anything I have learnt so far it's how amazing everyone around me is and how thankful I am for having them. 

How to break your neck in FIVE STEPS ?

1. Go on a weekend getaway with 15 of your friends;
2. Have a great great time;
3. On your way back, stand in the bus without any support (because no one taught you about "Laws of Motion") ;
4. Make sure you are not holding on to anything for support;
5. Wait for an asshole to overtake from the wrong side in order for the driver to stop the bus with a jerk

and

 BAM! That's how you end up staring at the ceiling for the next 3-6 months.

Till a few weeks ago, I don't think I knew we had three different kinds of names for the bones in the spine and now I am somewhat of an expert on at least C1 & C2.

So I have what they call "The Hangman's Fracture".
Death by hanging was intended to be quick, the drop and jerk were designed to dislocate C1 & C2, air can no longer move in an and out of the lungs. Death occurs within minutes. 

How's that for a dramatic sounding injury.

I saw pretty much every kind of star in that split second that I hit the bus door, the adrenaline kicked in and had me going from one hospital to another.

About 3 hours later,I walked in to the hospital  demanding to be shown to the washroom while my doctor ran behind me screaming “why is the patient not on the stretcher!?” After the bladder relieving ritual, I lied down on a bed where I spent the next few painful hours getting X-rays, MRIs & CT scans. This bed would be my world for the next 9 days.

All in a day's time